She's running a slight temperature, Mr Bailes.
Aye, always spells trouble when they start grunting.
How long has she been off colour?
Well, a couple of days now, I reckon.
Well, there might be a twisted gut in there,
or perhaps she swallowed a wire.
It's impossible to say, unless we open her up.
Oh, I can't say I'm keen on that, Mr Herriot.
Well, not unless you're sure what ails her.
No, I'm not sure, Mr Bailes.
Oh, well, I'll try her on a purgative, and we'll see how it goes, eh?
I'll tie her up over there, and fetch the doings.
-All right then. -Come on, lass. Come on, then.
-Right then, I'm off. -Excellent.
You really insist on making me go out there?
Insist is hardly the word.
Well, how would you describe it then?
Asking you kindly.
Well, I think it's jolly rotten, Siegfried.
I mean, you know what that savage, Mount, thinks of me.
(SCOFFS) Personal relations don't come into it.
You're simply going out to Mount's farm to do a job of work, that's all.
Oh, please, Siegfried, couldn't you or James go?
But you're not still concerned with his daughter, are you?
-(PHONE RINGING) -Well, no, but...
Pick that up as you go out, will you?
-(PHONE RINGING) -Telephone, I mean.
(IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT) Good morning. What you want, huh?
Ah, Mrs Egerton.
Hello.
Ja, this is Mr Farnon.
(SPEAKS NORMALLY) Ah, no, it is not Siegfried,
it's his brother Tristan, actually.
Yes, of course, I'll tell him, Mrs Egerton.
Bye bye, now.
(DOG BARKING)
Caught you, did he?
(LAUGHS) Gave you a shock, I reckon.
It takes some folk like that.
I've known some even lose control of their bodily functions
after one of old Shep's little jokes.
Jokes, Mr Bailes?
That brute almost had me!
An old softie like Shep? Nay, Mr Herriot.
But he is a cunning devil he is,
waits deliberately till folk are least expecting it,
and then "woof!"
(SNIGGERS)
I fail to see the humour in it, Mr Bailes.
(HUMMING)
-Oh, Mr Herriot? -Yes, Mrs Hall?
-You won't forget the date next week, will you? -Date?
Oh, you know which date I mean.
No, I'm afraid I don't.
Well then, all I can say is, shame on you!
SIEGFRIED: Come on, you lot.
(BARKING)
Go on, boy. Go on, then.
Go on, boys. Go on.
(BARKING)
What in heaven's name are you doing, James?
I'm washing out my calcium kit.
Well, precisely what on earth for?
Hmm?
Don't tell me you're still using that antediluvian equipment, are you?
Yes, I used it on Biggins' cow this morning.
Really, James, you are an extraordinary fellow sometimes.
You mean to say you haven't even tried the new pump?
Oh, yes. But I can't get the hang of it, that's all.
But, look at it, James!
Here you are.
The result of endless research, which consigns your old rubbish to the scrap heap.
There we are.
And you say you can't get the hang of it, honestly.
The calcium squirts all over the place, Siegfried!
Rubbish, James! Childishly simple to use.
Well, If you can't get the calcium into the wretched cow...
You know, you really are very, very reactionary, James.
No, I'm not being reactionary, Siegfried, just practical.
Look, I'll tell you what, I'll be visiting Biggins' cow again in a few days,
perhaps you could show me how to use it.
Nothing could be simpler.
-Oh, by the way, James. -Hmm?
I've managed to keep the night in question clear next week,
so do, by all means, plan ahead if you want to.
-What night? -Bye, James!
(SIGHS)
Ah! Excellent timing, esteemed colleague!
-Here we are. -Cheers.
By the way did you hear I went over to Mount's farm today?
-Siegfried did mention it. -Oh! You should have seen us, James!
There we were, eyeball to eyeball over the hoof of a shire horse.
And would you believe it? Not a word from Mount.
-Oh? -A grunt, yes, a twitch, every now and then,
but not a word. Once he even smiled.
Really? When you were leaving I presume.
Mmm, rather.
Of course, with Debbie and I no longer...
-Involved? -Mmm-hmm.
But you know, he seemed almost human.
Still, I held my ground.
You might at least listen, James,
it was remarkably brave of me, you know?
I'm sorry. I'm trying to remember if I've forgotten something.
Ah, that sieve-like mind of yours.
Come on, Tris, you're the human filing system for dates around here.
Is there something we should remember for next week?
Next week? Let me see.
-Yes, of course! -Hmm?
Betty Moreston comes back from holidays on the sixth.
-Never mind about Betty Moreston! -Oh, but I do, James.
After the fiasco with Debbie Mount, it's back to the old reliables.
Just think of it, acres of female pulchritude
done to a turn after two weeks in the Devon sun.
Well, all right, is there something I should remember then?
Thursday the ninth, of course.
Of course, what?
It's your wedding anniversary, isn't it?
Ooh, yes. So it is!
(SCOFFS)
I would have remembered!
Yes, of course you would, James.
Good day to you, Mr Biggins. How pleasant to see you again.
Ah, very nice to see you again, squire,
so long as your visit doesn't cost me double,
seeing that I was only expecting to see Mr Herriot here.
Oh, no, no! Why should we do that?
No, I'm here to...
Demonstrate our latest piece of equipment.
And at no cost to yourself, I promise you.
Well, I'm all for science, so long as it doesn't cost aught.
(LAUGHS)
Becky's in the backfield.
Well, let's press on, shall we?
MR BIGGINS: Old Becky's tried to get on her feet a time or two.
JAMES: Well, the effects of milk fever do tend to drag on a bit, Mr Biggins.
SIEGFRIED: A spot of calcium should put her right, I think.
Now, this is the very latest thing, Mr Biggins.
Oh, aye?
Now then, James. You open it up, there's the needle.
You connect the two unequal ends
into the calcium container,
like that.
-Are you with me, James? -Yes. Yes, go on.
(BECKY GROANING)
Take the guard off the needle.
Ah, this is the bit I want to see.
Now...
Massage, and we're ready for action.
She's bit of a tough old bird, isn't she, Mr Biggins?
Oh, I don't know about that.
Mr Herriot's had no bother with his old-fashioned tackle.
You can't compare modern equipment like this with... Ah, here we are!
Now then.
Connect the tube
with the needle...
Like that.
And work up the proper pressure on the hand valve.
(SQUIRTING)
Oh.
There we are.
(PANTING)
Oh! Nay! Nay! Nay!
-Sorry about that! -Mr Farnon!
SIEGFRIED: Ah, yes.
(SPUTTERING)
Is it safe to come near now, squire?
Certainly it's safe, Mr Biggins.
-So, the experiment's over is it, Mr Farnon? -Yes, it is.
Yes, I'm afraid that this particular
demonstration model isn't quite up to standard.
Oh, we can see that, can't we?
Now do you think we could have the job done properly?
By all means.
James, do you happen to have brought your flutter valve with you?
Uh...
Oh, yes!
I brought it along.
Perhaps you would be good enough to inject Mr Biggins cow.
Mmm.
Mr Biggins, may I trouble you for hot water, soap, and a towel, please?
-With pleasure. Help yourself. -Thank you.
Oh, Mr Farnon?
Next time, I'd take it kindly if you practiced
on someone else's beasts.
That is unless, you wish to pay for the privilege.
-Ah, James. I've got it! -I hope it isn't catching.
No, no it isn't. I think I've solved your problem.
-What problem? -You know, about where to take Helen.
Oh no, not again. Thank you.
Yes. You remember your very first date together?
Oh, yes! Very well. The Reniston. A disaster.
-Your idea, if I recall. -It worked out all right in the end, didn't it?
I mean, you and Helen did ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Tris, not the Reniston, and that's final. It's far too expensive!
Oh, I see. A question of money, is it?
Oh, yes. Specifically, the lack of it.
Yes, very well, let's lower our sights.
I have the very place for you!
The food is first class, there's bags of atmosphere.
Oh, yes, a combination that usually spells money.
Ah, but that's the point, James, it's so cheap.
-Dirt cheap, in fact. -What's it called?
The Harlequin. They do a black tie dinner dance, wonderful value for money.
The Harlequin? I've never heard of it.
Well, It hasn't been going very long and it's a bit off our track,
but what's a bit of extra driving if at the end
you know you've found perfection?
Mmm. I'll go and book straightaway.
It's the Harlequin.
-The Harlequin. -It's...
-Bickershore 325. -Three-two-five.
I'm off. Bye.
Never mind about work.
Don't be silly. Now, come on, darling. I've got to go.
Will you shut up if I tell you something nice?
-Well, that depends on how nice. -Oh, very nice.
I give you fair warning to look to your wardrobe for Thursday.
Oh, darling!
You remembered.
Well, as if I'd forget our wedding anniversary.
Well, you are so forgetful.
-Didn't hear you mention it. -Certainly not! That's your job.
-Where are we going? -If you behave...
And you're particularly nice, I might tell you nearer the night.
-Oh no, come on, James, tell me! -No!
Now off you go.
Beast!
(GIGGLES)
He's an excellent horse, Mrs Egerton.
Certainly a worthwhile addition to your stable.
Well, I thought he seemed stiff in the shoulder.
I don't think so.
I mean, he's been boxed up a good bit lately hasn't he?
And the traveling wouldn't have helped.
I don't believe there's anything near a good gallop that won't put right.
Silly of me really to fetch you out.
Not at all. I'm very happy to be fetched.
And I don't care from how far.
And besides, with an animal of that quality,
you can't be too careful, Mrs Egerton.
Why don't you call me Margery?
All right.
In that case, no more of this "Mr Farnon" then. It's Siegfried, agreed?
Agreed.
Now I shan't feel quite so guilty about calling you out so often.
Nor shall I, about being so damned eager to come out.
"Siegfried". Unusual name.
Yes, a hard name to live up to.
An impossible one to live down, at least up here in the Dales.
Have you really got a brother called Tristan?
Yes, afraid so. We're both lifelong monuments
to our parents' addiction to Wagner.
He's not foreign, is he?
Tristan? No more than I am.
He sounded alarmingly so on the phone.
Did he?
Just youthful high spirits that need curbing from time to time.
Now listen, Margery,
since it's such a beautiful morning,
and since nothing would please me more
than to put that good animal through its paces,
why don't we do just that?
Excellent idea, Siegfried.
Shall we have a choice?
Through the gate? Or over the rails?
You lead.
I'll follow.
WOMAN: I told them you were coming.
Say hello to Mr Herriot, boys.
Burt, Barton, how dare you!
Get back to your bed this instant!
Nice Mr Herriot has promised not to hurt you, so behave now!
I didn't know you had a cat, Mrs Ainsworth.
Oh, I haven't really. She's a stray.
She's a timid little soul, has some food, and a warm, and then off she flits.
Doesn't seem to want to let me or anyone else into her life,
but she's a dear little thing, all the same.
(IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT) Good evening.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Betty, how marvellous! When did you get back?
Really?
Yes, of course, I've thought about you.
Naughty, naughty.
Brown all over, eh?
Well, I suggest we meet to discuss this further.
Thursday night? Yes, marvellous.
Yes, madly, Betty. Bye bye, then.
(SIGHS)
Well, she is looking distended, Mr Bailes.
Well, as I said, we could always open her up, in case it is a wire.
Well, I'd say go ahead, Mr Herriot,
but what's the point if we don't know for sure?
We'll try something stronger.
I'll give her some stomach powder.
You wouldn't have any black treacle, would you?
Aye, barrel over there.
Good. Add a couple of pounds to the mixture.
(SCOFFS) If that don't shift her, nothing will.
Right, I'll get the powder out of the car.
And I'll need a bucket of warm water, please.
Aye, you go ahead.
(LOUD BARKING)
You stupid dog!
If you do that again, I'll...
Now then, veterinary.
We have other things to do than play games with Shep thou knows, Mr Herriot.
Mr Bailes, will you kindly keep that dog locked up, at least while I'm around?
There's no need to get all het up, veterinary!
I told you, old Shep does it in sport.
(BARKING)
Oh, never mind!
Ah, James. Marvellous news. Betty Moreston is back.
Oh good, I hope it will be a very fulfilling reunion.
Well, after two weeks of crab fishermen in Devon,
she pines for the sophisticated attention of yours truly,
so, we're on Thursday night.
Thursday? Who's looking after the fort here?
Remember Helen and I are otherwise engaged.
Well, Siegfried, of course.
Oh yes, he said something about keeping Thursday free.
But he has no option. It's my night off.
In my book, such arrangements are sacrosanct.
Well, it has nothing to do with me.
-James. -Yes?
-I've been thinking. -Oh, dangerous activity in a wife.
Oh, forgive him, he knows not what he says.
Betty Moreston's back from holiday, you see.
-And pining. -Really?
-I thought travel was supposed to broaden the mind. -(LAUGHING)
The thing is, I can't chose a dress until I know where we're going.
-Hmm? -On Thursday night.
Oh darling, It's meant to be a surprise.
Oh come on, darling, be fair. I really do have to know.
Well, yes, I suppose so. It is called the Harlequin.
-Do you know it? -I've heard about it, but...
Well, I never thought we'd go to a place like that.
-What's wrong with it? -Well, there's nothing wrong with it.
I'm a bit overwhelmed, that's all.
I never thought we could afford anywhere so grand.
Are we talking about the same place?
-The Harlequin? -Yes.
-On the road to York? -That's the one.
Well, I think it's a splendid idea, James.
I think it's marvellous of you to take me.
But are you sure we can afford it?
I mean, it's awfully expensive, will ruin us, in fact.
Well, nothing definite. I can...
Oh, you'll do no such thing.
If you think we can afford it, then of course we can.
I mean, don't you take notice of what I think, it's only money, after all, isn't it?
I think it's a splendid idea.
A good night out will do us a world of good.
Oh, James, it's marvellous!
I won't be able to sleep for thinking about it.
-Well, darling... -Thank you, darling! Thank you!
(GIGGLING) Thank you! Thank you!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Ah, Tristan.
Very clever. The Harlequin?
"Cheapest little place?"
Now, steady on, James. I, uh...
Must get to the post office before it closes!
Well, not before I've...
James, rumour has it that you and Helen
are about to sample the exotic delights of the Harlequin?
-So it seems. -You don't sound very enthusiastic.
Do you know the Harlequin, Siegfried?
You mean, have I ever dined there?
I've been there,
way beyond my modest circumstances!
Have you any idea how much it's likely to cost?
No, not really.
But it's highly patronized by the heavy wallet brigade,
so work it out for yourself.
-I'd rather not, thanks. -Quite right, James!
-Why count the cost when the rewards are beyond riches? -(PHONE RINGING)
Congratulations, James.
Darrow...
Hello, Margery.
Yes, of course, I would be delighted to attend.
Tomorrow I should think, uh, about mid-morning.
Excellent.
Excellent, yes, a little business and pleasure combined
won't come at all amiss in these rather grim times.
Until then.
Bye, Margery.
What's the matter with you?
It's the worst stoppage I've seen for a bit.
If it goes on, she'll be naught but dog meat for Mallock the knacker, I reckon.
Well, something's gone very wrong internally, Mr Bailes.
I can't work it out.
Any road, I gave her a dose of some right powerful stuff this morning.
Didn't do no good, though.
May I ask what it was, Mr Bailes.?
Aye.
I gave her some of this.
(COUGHING)
Right powerful stuff, isn't it, Mr Herriot?
Yes, it is, Mr Bailes, because it's pure ammonia.
That won't do her any good at all.
In fact, It'll probably finish her off.
Well, I've got to try something, Mr Herriot!
You're just not having much luck, are you?
Listen to me Mr Bailes, as long as I'm treating your animal,
I will not have any quack medicines used on her, is that understood?
Do you still reckon you can cure her, then?
Well, I'll do my best.
We'll give her another drenching.
-Maybe a stronger solution will do the trick. -Oh, aye?
Marvellous gallop, Siegfried.
Does them a world of good.
Just the thing to work them up for the season.
Sounds like fun. Pity I shall miss it.
-Are you going away? -Alas, yes.
Just when you bought an animal like this?
My winter's been planned for some time now.
Oh.
-But you're coming back? -This is my home, Siegfried.
I love it here.
There are worse places,
none better.
But I suppose...
Simple country pleasures do pall, don't they?
That depends upon whom you share them with.
I've been wanting to do that for some time.
I was wondering why you hadn't.
Well, you are my client, you see?
I shall miss you, Margery.
Hmm.
Seems a pity to go away just when we're getting to know each other.
-When do you leave? -Soon.
Very soon. Friday, in fact.
Oh, that soon.
Siegfried, I'm having some people over tomorrow night,
sort of a goodbye supper.
-I'd love you to come. -I shall be there.
(STAMMERING) That's Thursday, isn't it?
I know it's short notice, but if you're otherwise engaged...
No, no, no. It's just, there may be
slight staffing problems at the surgery,
but I can make arrangements.
I'd be dreadfully disappointed if you can't.
And if I can?
Let's wait and see, shall we?
(LOUD BARK)
Right! That's done it!
Come here, Shep!
(SHOUTING) Shep, come here! You're a bad dog!
Come on, Shep!
Shep, come on, out of there!
It's time you were taught a lesson.
Shep, come on!
(SHEP WHINING)
Shep?
(WHINING CONTINUES)
Shep, come on. I was only gonna tick you off, old boy.
Don't be so silly.
(WHINING CONTINUES)
Shep, come on. Come on.
Shake and make up, eh?
(WHINING CONTINUES)
All right. All right.
I'm going. All right!
(WHINING CONTINUES)
(JAMES SIGHS)
MRS HALL: Enjoy your ride, did you, Mr Farnon?
Yes, I did indeed. Thank you, Mrs Hall.
-Oh, Mr Farnon? -Yes?
Tomorrow is woman's union Sherry party.
Would it be all right if I had the afternoon off?
Yes, of course, my dear. Don't you worry about us.
You do justice to that excellent Sherry.
Well, we'll do our best, Mr Farnon.
Enjoyed your ride with Mrs Egerton, I see.
Very much, indeed. Thank you.
It's not all business between you two, is it?
You could be on dangerous ground, little brother.
Oh, I'm merely expressing fraternal interest, Siegfried.
Oh! Why, thank you very much indeed.
Oh, yes! Now...
I have more business to transact with her tomorrow night,
and since James and Helen are dining out...
-You'll keep shop, huh? -Certainly not!
What did you say?
It's your turn to be on duty tomorrow night.
I know perfectly well whose turn it is.
Well, good. There's no problem then, is there? You stay in, and I go out.
You refuse?
I've just told you. And there's no use pulling rank either.
Mrs Egerton may be important to you,
but Betty Moreston is no less so to me.
-Betty Moreston? -I arranged to see her days ago.
Well, you can arrange to see her again, can't you?
Absolutely not!
Look, you're always telling me I lack fibre, I never stand up for myself.
Well, this is where I make my stand.
There's no surrender, Siegfried.
(IMITATING PIRATE) This is mutiny, Mr Tristan.
Yes, very appropriate.
Look, It is my night off, and nights off are sacrosanct, as you so frequently say!
You're a gambling man, aren't you?
-Very well, let's toss for it. -Toss for what?
-Who stays in, who goes out. -We know who stays in, you do.
All right, Tristan, I'll be reasonable.
I go out tomorrow night, and in exchange,
I take all your night duty over for the next week, what do you say?
Sorry, no. It's a matter of principle, Siegfried.
Anyone with the slightest sense of justice will agree I am in the right.
-You really believe that, don't you? -Yes, I do.
So, you wouldn't mind putting it to the test?
-"Test"? What do you mean, "Test"? -An independent arbiter.
We ask James to decide the matter, once and for all.
It won't do you any good, you know.
James is even more of a stickler for this sort of thing than I am.
So you agree to abide by his decision?
-Well, yes, but... -Thank you very much!
TRISTAN: Now remember, James.
You decide purely on the basis of right and wrong.
We trust you, James.
Your judgment in matters of principle,
I, at least, have always found to be impeccable.
There's no need to lay it on, Siegfried.
I simply give voice to what I believe to be true, Tristan.
-And you both agree to abide by my decision? -Exactly.
-Tristan? -Well, yes.
But there's only one decision, really.
Yes, well, I daresay
James would care to mull it over
with the aid of a little refreshment.
-Ah. -I'm not sure that's ethical.
I merely offer a colleague a drink.
And I gratefully accept. I'll have a scotch, please.
Fine, James.
Well, get on with it then, James!
All in good time, Tris.
-There you are, James. -Oh, thanks.
Oh, yes, an excellent glass of whiskey, Siegfried.
Good.
Now, as I see it, free evenings are an absolute must.
In our job, as necessary as the air we breathe,
and none of us has any right whatsoever
to make any other member of the practice give them up.
With great respect, there is one higher duty, if you recall.
Ah, yes, business before pleasure, etcetera?
In which case, of course, we are available at all times.
Mmm.
That really is an excellent whiskey, Siegfried. May I...
-Yes, of course, James! -Thank you.
There we are.
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Thanks.
Of course, where Tristan is concerned,
I am completely biased.
Well, you must be, James.
I mean, right's on one's side and all that.
No, that little prank of yours.
-The Harlequin... -Ah.
Now, James, remember, you're a man of principle.
Besides, certain other parties had a hand in that...
That's quite enough of that, Tristan!
Really? A Farnon conspiracy? I see.
James, we're waiting for your decision.
Oh, mustn't rush these things, Siegfried.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Now, it is Tristan's night off,
so natural justice would be served if I found in his favour.
But then the senior partner may also have a case.
And then again, he may not.
-So, Tristan... -Yes, James?
Where you're concerned, I find myself totally unprincipled.
So...
You will stay in tomorrow night.
Oh, you're an absolute rotter!
Now, Tristan, we did agree to abide by James' decision, remember?
Mmm, thank you, Siegfried.
But since principle must not only apply but be seen to apply,
you stay in, too.
What?
Oh, but you do have my permission to work it out between yourselves.
Chilly in here this morning, isn't it?
Whose fault is that?
You asked me to arbitrate, and arbitrate I did.
Sheer treachery, James.
I don't know what you're so upset about.
It was my night off, you know.
Well, duty calls. Anything I should add to my list, Siegfried?
-Castration. -Pardon?
Rory O'Hagan's litter of pigs need castrating.
-So do others I could mention. -Will you kindly remember you're at table!
I will remember if you remember.
-(PHONE RINGING) -I'll get it.
Darrowby 8-5.
Oh, hello, Mrs Ainsworth.
Well, it's not one of the dogs, is it?
Oh, the cat.
Yes, of course. Mm-hmm. I'll come out straightaway.
Bye.
What happened, Mrs Ainsworth?
Strangest thing, Mr Herriot.
I didn't see her for days,
and then this morning she sort of staggered in with the kitten.
Well, I didn't imagine anything was wrong at first,
but then she sort of fell over, and she hasn't moved since.
How bad is she, Mr Herriot?
It's very bad. She's got a huge tumour.
There's nothing to do, I'm afraid.
I see.
Well, you mustn't let her suffer.
I'll be grateful if you did whatever's necessary.
No, there's no need, Mrs Ainsworth.
She's in a coma. She's dying.
She's well past suffering, now.
(SOBBING) Poor little thing.
I can't bear to think about it.
All alone and struggling to protect her kitten.
You were wrong, when you said she wouldn't allow anyone into her life.
She trusted you.
Her first thought was that you should have her kitten.
(CHUCKLES)
Dear, dear little thing.
I've never had a cat before.
Well, you've got one now, Mrs Ainsworth.
This is absurd! There's no earthly point in us both staying in tonight.
-Quite. So why don't you do the decent thing? -Be reasonable!
And leave Betty high and dry? No fear.
All right, Tristan, any times you like,
one week, two weeks on for your one night off. What do you say?
-(PHONE RINGING) -Sorry, no deal, and that's final. Excuse me.
Hello, Darrowby 8-5.
Oh, Betty!
Tonight, yes.
Oh, really? Oh, no, no...
It fits in with my plans, actually.
Yes, why don't we do that tomorrow night? Same time, same place?
Jolly good. See you then, Betty. Bye-bye.
(WHISTLING)
-Who was that? -Personal call, actually.
Uh-huh.
Siegfried, I've been thinking this whole thing over.
-About tonight? -Yes. Well...
Perhaps I'm being a bit bloody-minded.
I mean, you are the senior partner, after all.
And Mrs Egerton is a client, so, I tell you what,
as a favour, why don't I accept your offer?
What offer?
You take all of my late duty next week if I let you off tonight.
Do I sense a change of heart, Tristan?
Well, yes, but business must take precedence over pleasure, mustn't it?
Well, it's enormously generous of you, but I fear I must say no.
What?
You drive too hard a bargain little brother.
-Sorry. -What about one night next week, then?
Sorry.
No, I can easily arrange to see Mrs Egerton
tomorrow, which is your night on, I believe.
-Oh no. -Oh, yes.
Siegfried, I must have tomorrow night off, I simply must!
(SIGHS)
I suppose I could see Mrs Egerton tonight, as originally arranged.
-Could you do that? -Might be rather awkward.
Well, don't think about that. You go out tonight and I'll go out tomorrow night.
If it would make things easier for you...
Oh, it does, Siegfried. It really does.
Hello, Shep!
(WHINING)
He's been like that this last day or so, veterinary.
I can't make it out!
He always was as happy as a pig at muck,
but now, well he seems to have a complex or something.
Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr Bailes.
BAILES: I've never known a dog get so depressed.
I'm danged if I know what's caused it.
Well, I'm sure he'll soon be himself again.
-How's Rose today? -Oh, she's gone right down, Mr Herriot.
Right, well we better try with one last good drench, eh?
Aye, but it won't do no good. You'll see.
(DOORBELL CLANGS)
Can you give this to Mr Farnon, missus?
My dad found it in our garden.
He says Mr Farnon will know who owns it.
(SIGHS)
Come on!
-Let's have a look at this ear... -(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come in.
Hello, Mrs Hall.
A goat, Mr Farnon.
To see you gentlemen.
Outside.
(LAUGHS) A goat, Mrs Hall?
It's lost.
She said you'd know who owned it.
Siegfried.
Get off, you!
Are you feeling perfectly all right, Mrs Hall?
And why not, Mr Farnon?
Who owns this mangy brute?
Oh, that's the Whites' goat. Likes to wander.
Well, it's chewed up the telephone directory.
Oh, never mind, I'll deal with that. Psst!
You notice something odd about Mrs Hall just then?
Yes, I did, now you mention it.
Of course! It's the... What's it? It's the Sherry party.
You don't think Mrs Hall is...
I left my potato, Mr Farnon.
Yes, of course, Mrs Hall.
(SNIGGERING)
Something amusing you, Mr Tristan?
Certainly not, Mrs Hall.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-James! -JAMES: Mmm-hmm?
James, get a move on!
At last! Have you got everything?
Oh, checkbook, yes. Keys. All set.
SIEGFRIED: What's that frightful smell?
Mrs Hall preparing Tristan's supper, I suppose.
That should prove interesting.
James, the Whites' goat has wandered in our direction.
I've shut her in the pig shed, and since his place is on your route,
you wouldn't mind would you?
Well, fancy a passenger?
Yes, but we must leave now!
Thank you both very much. Have a splendid time, and don't count the costs.
-All right. -Her name's Sally, by the way.
Bye.
JAMES: Get off!
Darling, do something, please!
HELEN: Behave yourself, Sally!
(AIR HISSING FROM TYRES)
Oh, no!
-Have you got a spare? -Yes.
Come on, darling, I'll give you a hand.
-(GOAT BLEATING) -Shh!
James, don't get your jacket dirty.
Oh.
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
Come on, James, it'll give you an appetite.
JAMES: It's coming.
Thanks, Mrs Hall. I'm famished.
Something wrong, Mr Tristan?
Well, no, Mrs Hall. It's just that...
Well, you like your potatoes well done, don't you?
Well, yes.
Well, these are very, very well done.
(SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
Your table, sir. Madam.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Ah. If you please, sir.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
-Madam? -Thank you.
Thank you.
-What's wrong? -There are no prices on the menu.
Yes. Exciting, isn't it?
Heart-stopping.
Would you care to order your drinks now, sir?
Oh, yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, I think we'll start with cham...
Champagne, please. All right, darling?
Yes, lovely.
May I recommend the Krug '24, sir?
Yes, that will be fine.
And we'll order the rest with the food.
-Thank you, sir. -Thank you.
(WHIAPERS) Darling...
Darling, we don't have to be too extravagant, you know.
Oh come on, darling. In for a penny, in for a pound.
After goats and punctures, we're entitled to a good night out.
(SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Mrs Herriot, might I have the honour of your company on the floor?
-What a lovely idea! -Ah!
Ah, Mrs...
(SLURRING) Something on your mind, Mr Tristan?
Well, no Mrs Hall, it's just that those dishes don't look very safe.
-Perhaps I better take them. -I can manage.
Nerves, Mr Tristan.
All those late nights.
Don't mind me, Mrs Hall. You get on. I'll deal with this.
(DISHES CLANGING)
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
Well, I suppose all good things must come to an end.
It's been wonderful, darling.
Now it's reckoning up time.
I'm sure it was all worth it.
-What's wrong? -It's my jacket.
It's that goat, while we we're changing the wheel.
(LAUGHING)
Well, it's only the lining.
You don't understand, darling, my checkbook was in there.
-What are we going to do? -I haven't any cash. We can't pay.
I'm sure they'll understand, darling.
What? That a goat's eaten my checkbook?
Darling, he's coming. Now...
Helen, speak to him. You are a woman, after all.
-No, you must. I must powder my nose. -Stay here!
Now, If you would sign there, please, sir?
Well, actually, the most dreadful thing has happened, it's my checkbook.
You see, I don't seem to have one at the moment. It's...
You see, there was...
This goat.
No problem, sir. The bill has already been settled.
-BOTH: Settled? -Yes, sir.
All you have to do is sign.
-Thank you, sir. -Thank you.
James...
Who on earth could it be?
Siegfried.
Oh.
-Siegfried. -Siegfried.
Thank you for a wonderful evening.
I hope it was worth the trouble, Siegfried.
Your table
and your company
beyond compare.
Frankly, I couldn't wait for the other guests to go.
Thank you for making my last evening so memorable.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Come, come, James, accept it gracefully.
You did have an excellent time?
-Yes, but the way you two... -Can you tell me?
Would you have accepted if I'd offered to cover your night?
-No, not really. -There you are, you see?
It was the only way I had to show my gratitude to the pair of you.
Well, you're impossible, both of you. And we're very grateful.
Well, I must be off.
Lovely breakfast, Mrs Hall.
There is no need to shout, young man.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with my hearing.
How was the Sherry party, Mrs Hall?
Fine, thank you, Mr Farnon.
Good. Excellent.
-Tristan, you still feeling a bit peckish? -Yes, I am, rather.
How about some of those fat, juicy sausages Mr Scargill delivered yesterday?
And some of that lovely fatty bacon to go with them?
Shep?
Come on, Shep!
I told you, veterinary, he's got a complex or something.
All the fun seems to have gone out of him.
Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as all that, Mr Bailes.
Nay, it's as I says.
He'll not bother you or anyone else again, I reckon.
Oh, by the by, Mr Herriot, you won't need to do aught more for Rose.
That bad, is she?
Come and see for yourself.
Well, what do you think?
-It's incredible, Mr Bailes. -Aye.
She's a different cow, sure enough.
Well, she won't need any more treatment, that's for sure.
Good job I gave her that extra drenching, eh?
Drenching?
That had naught to do with it, Mr Herriot.
But that cured her, surely?
Nay, lad. Jim Oakley cured her, didn't he?
-Jim Oakley? -Aye.
-The postman? -Aye, the same.
He came round yesterday evening, took a look at her.
I tell thee, she were like dying.
That cow, drenching hadn't worked at all.
Any road, old Jim took one look at her and told me what to do.
-Oh, yes? -Aye.
He told me to give her a ruddy good gallop round the field,
and by gaw, it did the trick right enough.
A gallop round the field?
Oh, aye.
He's a clever man with stock, is Jim.
He's as old as me, but by gaw, he can run!
Gallops her like a flaming sprinter round the field, he did!
(LAUGHING)
Well, that's one you won't find in your book, ain't it veterinary?
-(SHEP BARKING) -(LOUD CRASHING)
Oh, reckon Shep's back in form again, eh, Mr Herriot?
(SHEP BARKING)